cloudy days。

for so long i’ve been running. for so long i’ve been looking over that fence. since coming of age, i’ve been deluded with societal illusions and expectations about how life works. i don’t see it as a wrong turn or as an absolute prerequisite of life, yet it’s absolute necessary what makes the (flawed or not) one i am at the moment. i’ve been running as fast as i thought i should be running. yet, as real as the real running is, you lose your thoughts about everything else and began to be momentarily egocentric about only yourself. everything seem to revolve about yourself in your world as much as you refuse to admit.

i appreciate how the world spins, even if it doesn’t always seem to spin in a direction that makes me happy. subtle reminders like this knocks me from my little world which i subconsciously sink into everytime. i’m terribly ashamed that i’m not even cleanly aware of all of my dad’s condition. to be asked by the nurse and not know for certain if he has hypertension, i’m really ashamed. it’s even more shameful to think that i even bothered to research about a company that i’m not really interested to work in in the future, just to get by my attachment days without looking too silly every working day. yet, for someone so close, i’m so unaware and lacking in knowledge about.

yet the fact stays – that without you, i’m nothing. i’m silently very thankful for my upbringing. strict but given every space to grow and bloom in independence. that has been immensely important. and i hope and will try to be a better person, not just for the person that i am, but for people who are really close to my heart too.

Happy birthday, 爸爸!